Begining of an ending
by toolostforyou
Summary: How will she live without him now he's gone. Please R&R. Read it find out who its about. Summary sucks read it anyway.


**A/N: A one shot I wrote at 1am this morning cause I couldnt sleep. Not going to say which ship it but it will become clear towards the end. Sorry if any of the spellings wrong my spell check isnt working.**

**Disclaimer: I Do not own lost blah blah blah.**

**_Begining of an ending._**

I sit by your grave, it was so unfair, how you died, you saved me, you took the blow, 2 bullets into your chest, I can still see you body, your once clean shirt red, I promice you we will get revenge, we wont let then get away with this, how they have left me, my heart breaking, feeling like it's been ripped out and cut into peice's.

I remeber the moment so clearly, I hear my screams all the time, I hear the bang of the bullets leaving the gun, I hear myself screaming yoru name, once you hit the ground I yelled over how you couldnt leave me to fight by myself, you were taken so wrong, you desevered better, I should have been shoot, I wasnt needed like you were.

I dont think I can carry on, I sit here all day, all night, wishing we didnt go on that walk, wishing I didnt laugh so loud that they wouldnt hear us, I blame myself for your death, another person on my list of people who have died because of me, I might aswell join you before anyone else gets hurt, gets killed.

I love you, I wont think about you in the past tense, it hurts to much, I wont talk, I refuse to eat or sleep without you by myside, everyones worrying about me, I hear then talk from my spot. Everything I eat reminds me of you, Sun bought me some Gauva to eat today and I just burst out into tears.

The last time I talked was at your funeral, but that was between sobs that I couldnt control, my friends held me, told me they were here for me, but the only person I wanted wasnt.

I dont want to live anymore, It would be so easy to just end it now, find a razor and press it against my skin, or find some pills and take to many. It wouldnt hurt, I done it so many times when I was younger, the whole point of it hurting stoped, my body got used to it. Maybe this time I should press the razor futher enough to kill me, take a few more tablets. I dont think I can do it, I'm to weak, to scared of death, but that was only because I would hurt to many people, but if I died who would it hurt no one.

Standing up I look at your grave one last time, before I walk into your tent, pulling down the tarp behind me, no one will see me, no one will try and save me, I search in your medicine bag for anything, pulling out bottles of sleeping pills. Pulling out mini bottles of alcohol.

Unscrew a bottle of sleeping pills, I put one in my mouth, sipping down the alcohol, i feel it burn my throat. Downing more and more, it starts to hurt, revenge for all I have done. I close me eyes as the pills start to take affect on my body. I can hear people outside the tent chatting, I hope someone wont walk in and try to save me. My head rolls to the side it fall on one of your shirts. My eyes feel so heavy, I give in closing them. I can feel the end is coming.

I fight to open my eyes, looking at your shirt that my head has fallen on, it gives off so many memories. Our first kiss, our first night together, the first time we slept together. My eyes drop again against my wishs. I try to force my body to open them, but they refuse to work. All I have left is touch and hearing. Slowly they both go, all I have left is my mind. Every second I get closer to being with you again, getting to kiss you, hold you, touch you, loving you.

It's all over. Claire opens his tent to find my body on the floor, she thinks I'm sleeping. Slowly walking over to my body she realises I'm not breathing. A tear rolls down her cheek, I was gone, she slowly picked up the bottle which once heald the sleeping pills, she looked down at my skin. My body lily white, lips pale, his shirt close to me, she knew I was struggling, she just hoped I would get on, never knew I would go to so much lengths to be with him again.

Two days later it was my funeral, a growing numer of graves had been dug since we landed, going up every week, seven in total now. Claire spoke, no one else offered to, everyone hoped Sawyer would do it, be he refused saying it would be to hard to talk about me. The one person who normally spoke was gone. Placing the toy plane ontop of the now covered hole, Claire stood back, looking at the two graves next to each other, we were together again, after god had taken him, he had taken me so we could be together, how will they live without us. Claire scribbled down a note on a peice of paper.

_Together again. So they can look after each other. We will miss them, how will we get on with out them. They will always be with us looking down on us._

_Jack Shephard and Kate Ausin._

Digging a small hole between our graves, placing the paper in covering it over, she stepped back next to Charlie and Aaron. Another tear falled, then another causeing her to break out into sobs. Charlie kissed her cheek.

Claire softly spoke and looked at Charlie _'This is the begining of an ending._'

A/N2: Omg when I wrote that I cried and when I typed it up I cried. :'( PLEASE REVIEW! I'm a review junkie I need them.


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